The Who's and Why's

Recently, my Brother told me that he feels guilty when I cook dinner for my family. Possibly, this has to with a sensitivity, for which I am grateful, to my caring for a new baby, a home, pets, and myself during Josh's long deployment. And my Mom (not her real name) and Laura, Josh's Mom, have all reassured me that I needn't cook or bake for them. Each time I hear this, I feel a little pekid and I can feel myself tremble. Will they take me out of my foxhole? From where I am surviving this long war?

The kitchen. My bunker. My safe place. My dance floor with my tiny baby. Home to my orchestra. Though it has, over the years, had so many homes of its own: Bedford (Chili Slathered Meatloaf), Charleston, South Carolina (veggies, a million veggies), Newport, Rhode Island (clambakes and Coq au Vin), Boston (five years of good food), back to North Salem (for which you are witness). And while it has up and moved so many times and taken so many forms, it has never failed to ease my soul and my hands, which need desperately to keep moving.

And I will come to your house, when I do, I will cook. My glorious friend Jennifer who is among the most generous and secretly gracious women of my time, and a person whom I am proud to call a friend, has yielded to this need of mine: She knows I have to stand next to her as she cooks, I need a job in her kitchen when I come to dinner. I need, I so badly need, to cook. She has never told me not to, to her great credit. Jen has a sixth sense regarding helping others. She is aware help is not always in the form of something she needs to do for you, but sometimes something she needs to let you do. That is more than nuance to a soul, it's rescue. Because of this understanding of hers, the whole fine stable she is a part of down the road here, has volunteered to eat! I am lucky to have that group of good eaters in my world, and even more lucky we came by this arrangement in a quiet and understanding fashion, the kind only Jennifer could engineer.

My husband is a good eater. In his painful absence, I am always needing someone to step in with a fork or a kitchen. Even when he is around, there is often too much food for my household, it has been at those times when being part of the Navy family has really served. If you're cooking, they'll be there. I have two dogs, the corgi, Pumpkin, the smaller of the two, is by far the better eater. While I love these pets, I am not giving them the ragu.I need your help to keep cooking and to keep us from unforgivable waste!

If you shoo me away from the counter, I will find some other food-related task like reading your cookbooks and magazines, or reviewing your local tavern. But I will be happiest if you hand me a spoon or a knife and tell me to go on. Feeling guilty about my cooking is like feeling guilty you let me sleep through the night, or took me to Dovetail for dinner, it's like feeling guilty that you did something to give me warmth, safety, or a great memory. Never feel guilty, feel good.

This recipe has become known through our family as the $50,000 burger. It is a winner for sure. You can make the compound butter whenever and pop it in the freezer, it will make 12 burgers but is also great on dinner breads. I always have two logs of these butters in there, one usually this and the other chatarelle, they are good for a multitude of things. The mayo will keep for two days, but after that the arugula or parsely will begin to go by. I am an addict for Trader Joe's Brioche Rolls but you could substitute something otherwise refined, but spare yourself the kaiser roll, it will lead to disappointment. Enjoy some or all parts of this one, while it seems like a lot of process, the work is more shopping than making.

My husband's family will remember these burgers fondly. When remade for them, a fire ensued and guests leaving that night thanks us for the exciting dinner, including the fire extinguishers being rushed through the living room. Gas grills! What fun!

The $50,000 Holiday in Spain Burger
North Salem

Compound Butter
4 tbls butter, softened
1 tbls finely chopped flat leaf parsley
1 tsp finely grated lemon zest
½ tsp hot paprika
½ tsp smoked paprika
½ tsp kosher salt
Pinch of ground black pepper

Caper Butter
4 tbls butter, softened
1 tbls very finely chopped capers
½ tsp kosher salt
Pinch of ground black pepper

Red Onion and OJ Relish
½ cup very finely sliced red onion
2 tbls sherry vinegar (sub: Red Wine Vinegar)
2 tbls orange juice
½ tsp kosher salt
Pinch of ground black pepper

Arugula Mayo
1 cup good mayonnaise
¾ cup very finely chopped arugula (sub: parsely)
1 tbls fresh lemon juice
½ tsp kosher salt
Pinch of ground black pepper
Optional: One clove very finely minced garlic


16 medium-thin slices of pancetta from the deli counter

3 lbs ground chuck divided into 6 ½ lb portions
½ tsp kosher salt
Pinch of ground black pepper
6 brioche buns, sliced horizontally
½ lb Iberico cheese cut into 6 equal portions

Instructions:

Compound Butter
In a small bowl combine 4 tbls softened butter, parsley, lemon zest, hot and smoked paprikas, salt, and pepper. Stir until evenly combined, place in refrigerator until ready to assemble burger.

Caper Butter
In a small bowl, combine 4 tbls softened butter, capers, salt and pepper. Stir until evenly combined, set aside at room temperature.

Red Onion and OJ Relish
In a small bowl, combine red onion, sherry vinegar, orange juice, salt and pepper. Stir until evenly combined, place in refrigerator until ready to assemble burger.

Arugula Mayo
In a small bowl, combine mayonnaise, arugula, lemon juice, salt and pepper. Stir until evenly combined, place in refrigerator until ready to assemble burger.

Pancetta
Place pancetta slices in a dry non-stick skillet over medium high grill heat. Be sure none are overlapping. Cook until nicely browned on the first side, turn over and repeat. Brown pancetta as for bacon, to your liking.

Burger and assembly:
Prepare a gas grill to cook on medium-high heat. Form each burger portion into patties and place 1 ½ tbls of the butter, parsley, lemon zest, mixture into the center of each portion, forming the burger patty around the pat of compound butter in the center. Season both sides of the burgers liberally with the kosher salt and pepper. Grill burger for 8 minutes and turn over grilling again for 8 minutes or until done to your liking.

While burgers cook, place buns on grill and grill for 1 minute or until showing a light grill mark and golden toasting. Remove. Butter the bottom of each bun with 1 tbls of caper butter. Remove burgers from grill when ready and place on buttered bun bottoms. Place one slice of Iberico cheese on top of each burger. Allow burgers to rest for 5 minutes. With a butter knife, carefully and evenly coat the bun tops with 1 ½ tbls. arugula mayonnaise. When the burgers have finished resting, place two slices pancetta over the cheese. Carefully spoon on top 1 ½ tbls of the Red Onion Orange Juice Relish. Cover with the top bun and serve.